A Thankful Thanksgiving

Vince Kern  
Welcome, and thanks for joining us on our friends in wonder Thanksgiving episode. I'm Vince Kern and on behalf of co host Joe Luthor, we're grateful you hit the play button and joined us this week as we focus on gratitude and gratitude journals. As always, we appreciate the shares likes and feedback. And you can reach us at friends in wonder.com. Or by our shows email talk at friends in wonder.com. And now on with the festivities.

Joe Luther  
Well, hey, Vince, happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving week.

Vince Kern  
Yeah, it is Thanksgiving week, isn't it? 

Joe Luther  
Yes, it sure is. And I'm excited about our episode today. But you know, it's also the holiday season for crying out loud. I'm excited about that.

Vince Kern  
Yeah, I heard my first Frosty the Snowman on my way over here as I stopped in a in a store. And I was kind of surprised because I thought, Oh, why haven't I heard it earlier?

Joe Luther  
Well, that's what happens with holidays. They always kind of catch us by surprise, right? We're living in our, in our denial that it's a ways off and suddenly you hear a song or whatever.

Vince Kern  
Yeah. But it's not Frosty the Snowman time. It's Thanksgiving time. And

Joe Luther  
well, yeah, some people believe that you're not supposed to turn your Christmas lights on until after Thanksgiving. Do you believe that? Well? I do. But I don't really have any judgment about people. I know. My daughter loves to listen to Christmas music in the middle of the summer. So 

Vince Kern  
God bless her. She's got the spirit all year long. 

Joe Luther  
Oh, yeah. She's a walking Yuletide joy that is for sure. But anyhow, no. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we wanted to talk a little bit about some of the things that we're grateful for recently. Like, for instance, we just got notification from our podcast platform, that we've had 12 150 downloads so far, no, total, which maybe doesn't sound like a lot to those big influences out the influencers out there that get millions. But we're pretty impressed and not only impressed but grateful that many people want to push play and listen to us knuckleheads.

Vince Kern  
Yeah, that's true. That's very true. And you know, interestingly enough, I was looking at the statistics, and we've had downloads from literally all over the world, right? Yeah, they are the yoga podcast. Yeah. That was similar in many, many countries, not just in countries, you would think that it would be but Europe and South America and Asia. I mean, you name it with

Joe Luther  
a lot from India. That would be the one you'd be more expecting. But yeah, I mean, it turns out people like to listen to podcasts about yoga, apparently.

Vince Kern  
Yeah. And you know, we don't know who they are, per se. We get information on the cities and the countries, but it's interesting a recall, pre COVID There was a gentleman His name is three trees.

Joe Luther  
Oh, yeah. Great. shamanic. Yeah. 1000 shamanic healer. Yes,

Vince Kern  
he does a great sound bath healing and he does it professionally in many venues. But when COVID hit he decided to a learn how to do it which I think is amazing. But he did a live Facebook sound bath every I think he started doing it on Tuesday nights, or was it Thursday? Thursday's I think I remember you telling me and I gotta tell you, man, it was the it's really helped me get through those those dark days.

Joe Luther  
Yeah, it was a commonality. Yeah.

Vince Kern  
And you know, to get to the point of people listening from all over the world. He had people listening from all over the world. And this in the comment section on Facebook, which of course was live, you could just feel the unity. So, you know, I don't know who the 12 150 people are absolutely the push the button. But we're grateful for them. And we're also grateful for everybody here in the United States as well. It's been a great experience. Yeah.

Joe Luther  
And I'm grateful for what we're doing. Vince, it was a blast. A few days ago, Vince and I did our first interviews on the street, which is going to be in an upcoming podcast on generations we did. We went to a University of Michigan, tailgate because we wanted to find a variety of age groups of people to interview and boy, we found out a variety of human

Vince Kern  
variety of humans, if you want to talk about a collection of humans, go to a college football tailgate, we did over 20 some interviews and they weren't just you know, one questions they were 20 some discussions and, and you know, it was really a grateful thing, in the sense that we're able to get out there, you know, people are very eager to talk.

Joe Luther  
Yeah, turns out that people at tailgates don't mind having a microphone put in front of their face. No,

Vince Kern  
we had a couple of people 112 guys walked up and said, we're ready for our interview. And we hadn't even approached him. So we interviewed him.

Joe Luther  
Yeah, no, it's great. And shout out to all those people. We're very grateful for that. Yes.

Vince Kern  
Well, so you'll be hearing about that in an upcoming episode. And, you know, as far as the podcast goes, we've got a lot to be grateful for. And but we were talking about this. And you know, Joe, you raised up a great question, which is, you know, talking about how we take things for granted. And in not not being grateful enough or not,

Joe Luther  
right, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, you know, no better time than the Thanksgiving week to think about what we're grateful for. And kind of as a corollary to that, is, you know, why do we take things for granted, you know, in and I know, that sounds a little judgy. But I know for a fact that we, we all are not, I should never say all, but too many of us take too much

Vince Kern  
for granted. I'm raising my hand over here,

Joe Luther  
right? And me as well. And, and I think we were talking about that as part of this episode. And you and I were kind of wondering, why is that friends in wonder, tend to wonder, and we wonder why is there so much taking for granted these days? Is it part of our DNA? Or is it part of our society or culture?

Vince Kern  
Right? And that prompted a lot of thinking, you know, a lot of times when I think about cultural anthropological things, I always go right back to the hunters and gatherers. Right, right. Well, that's

Joe Luther  
what we love. Right?

Vince Kern  
Did they? So did they take their existence for granted? And I think, well, they sure had a lot more of some things that they had to focus on, and they had a lot less of the things that we have to focus on today, in terms of distractions, or taking for things to take for granted. And I got to thinking was not just that far back, but even a few 100 years ago, where a family, you know, had a farm and everybody worked on the farm, and everybody was, was together and everything was about sustenance. And, you know, they had less to take for granted. You mentioned a glass of cold water even,

Joe Luther  
ya know, when we were when we were discussing it, I thought, yeah, you know, just because I tend to think that we have so many creature comforts. That it too often, you know, we take things for granted. And so, to contrast that people 100 years ago, didn't understand or didn't, didn't have even the opportunity for a glass of cold water. And

Vince Kern  
literally went down to the spring and drank it down there. Well, yeah,

Joe Luther  
not everybody, you know. So I guess the point is, we have so much and, and going back to the hunter gatherers days, I'm sure they were grateful when they were able to eat. And today, all we have to do most of us is just go into the kitchen and find something to eat, right. So, you know, we can take that for granted a full stomach, we can take a glass of cold water for granted. There's so many things that we have at our fingertips, that other people, you know, before us didn't have. So that's part of it. I think that's part of the cultural thing. And then you had talked about and I think that's very important, too, is that sometimes we don't focus on what we have as much because we're too busy doing and not, you know, taking enough time to smell the roses, as they say,

Vince Kern  
Yeah, I was thinking about the Thanksgiving dinner just as a as an example. In that farm family I was talking about earlier, they probably worked for weeks to get everything, you know, on the farm ready a little bit here a little bit there. And, and you know, and it was all self contained. And, you know, we've got to run out and spend hours, you know, shopping and getting the perfect ingredients and getting the right things and everything has to be, you know, right and and so do we spend more time? Is it a distraction to being grateful? Well,

Joe Luther  
I mean, it can be a distraction. I think that can be part of the reason why we, you know, go through a whole Thanksgiving season without really taking a lot of time to give thanks. Yeah, and it certainly I think it's very valuable to have this holiday. Just like New Year's resolutions or whatnot. Foot get us to focus on certain things. This is a great time to focus on what today's topic is, and that is gratitude. And, you know, we we, we already had an episode recently on grieving with gratitude. And obviously, gratitude is a big part of our DNA we love. We find grace and gratitude.

Vince Kern  
As hard as it is for us sometimes to get through our own give besides ourselves, that is a goal. You know, it's

Joe Luther  
Yeah, I mean, it's not always easy. And this idea of taking things for granted is kind of the opposite of I'm giving gratitude. And you and I were talking about what would be a good way to, you know, celebrate Thanksgiving. And we thought, well, wouldn't it be cool if we shared our experiences with the gratitude journals that we cap from time to time in our life?

Vince Kern  
Yeah, there's a lot of ways to, you know, to be grateful, some people are born with it, you know, you meet these people that walk around, and they're just their trait, their biggest trait is they're grateful for everything and, and they're wonderful people, and you'll love them. But sometimes you look at him and go, How the heck can you just be that grateful all the time? And, you know,

Joe Luther  
I'm always amazed by those people sometimes a little jealous. Yeah. Yeah. So

Vince Kern  
I mean, it can be a trait, and it's a great trait. And it can also be like, you know, it can be a mood. And you just, you're just in that you're out in nature, and that that gratitude for nature just just comes to you, envelops you. Or it can be an emotion, you know, it can be, hey, somebody just said something really nice to you, or did something unexpected for you? And, and that that gratitude of emotion comes up, but it's still a practice and, and as hard as I've tried keeping a gratitude journal over the years, I haven't always been successful, even though I recognize it's still one of the best things I can do.

Joe Luther  
Yeah, well, let's first talk about what a gratitude journal is. And I, you know, I, I guess I do want to finish on what you were saying. And that's, and that's this idea that it isn't a chore. Because when it becomes a chore or a to do, sometimes it's, you know,

Vince Kern  
well, it's when you get that advice to say, hey, you should keep a daily journal,

Joe Luther  
right,

Vince Kern  
and then don't have to do this every day. Now.

Joe Luther  
Yeah. And certainly, there may be good things that come out of doing it. But it's also an opportunity for you to feel like, you know, you're not doing your job, or it's a chore. And that's not what the idea of this is at all. Because, you know, our personal experiences are that gratitude journals, or the the concept of giving attention to gratitude is something that can be a part of your life in any way, shape, or form. It doesn't have to be daily, it can be weekly, it can be annually,

Vince Kern  
it doesn't have to be digital, it doesn't have to be on paper, it doesn't

Joe Luther  
have to be in a gratitude journal, it can be anywhere you want it right. But the idea is giving attention to gratitude. And what does that do for you

Vince Kern  
right? Now, my personal experience has been that if I sit down and I tend to, like for instance, I'm obviously I'm, I'm grateful for for my wife, she's just a wonderful person. And I, I think she's got a very high gratitude trait. She wakes up every morning happy and positive. Yeah. And I'm a little grumpy in the morning. So. But yeah, but you know, what I've learned to understand to be grateful for her gratitude trait in the morning. But but for me, you know, it's a hard thing to do daily. So I'll write down. So I'll say, Oh, I'm grateful. You know, I'm always grateful every day, at the end of the day for my, my wife, you know, she's the greatest thing in my life. And then, and then it's like, okay, I wrote down yesterday, I'm grateful for Sheila and, you know, dead Ennahda. And then I thought, well, I just keep writing down. I'm grateful for her. Maybe I should start talking about why I'm grateful for her identifying to myself, at least, what the specific things that that I'm grateful for.

Joe Luther  
Yeah. So I mean, the whole idea, I guess, of a gratitude journal is this kind of forcing yourself in a way to specifically get out of your zone of taking things for granted. And give attention to the many good things in your life and why you are grateful for them. And in the practice of doing it in a journal kind of just is more of a discipline to to get you to do to do it. On a regular basis. Yeah, but it isn't necessary. But when you do do that, do it with some purpose. And that's what you're getting at is this idea of, you know, not just oh, I'm grateful for Sheila. Well, yeah, I'm grateful for Sheila when she wakes up in a happy mood or I'm grateful for Sheila, when I'm in a grumpy mood, she pulls me out of it, or I'm grateful for you know, my automobile because when I turn it on, it keeps me warm in the winter. There are so many things that you can be grateful for it and they in they can be you know, about so many different things.

Vince Kern  
Yeah, they don't always have to be the big things in your life. They can be the little things in your life. I was driving have been home the other night, of course, it's dark now much earlier. And it was snowing and cold and I not too many people out, it was beautiful even though it was dark and, and I thought, wow, this is really pretty amazing, I'm moving down this road at a speed that is pretty fast that several 100 years ago, people wouldn't be traveling at. And I've got these wonderful lights in my car. And it's not a great car or a new car, it's just the lights at night were like little, you know, say Christmas lights inside of my car, you know. But I was grateful for it. And I thought wow, I just in grateful for this particular moment, all right to Dairy Queen, thick and frosty, not thick and Frosties extremes, that I was also in my car. So

Joe Luther  
who wouldn't be grateful for that?

Vince Kern  
So but it doesn't have to be the big things, right? It could be the little things

Joe Luther  
No, right. And I think that's the point of what we wanted to get at today is that everybody is familiar with a gratitude journal. And we're certainly not telling anybody they have to do it. But what we want to do is talk about the benefits of a gratitude journal, and maybe how to do it, if you want to dabble with it. And it doesn't have to be in writing, it can be something that you're doing, when you're in your quiet times, it can be something that you're doing when you're driving, like, like Vince was, but but to do it with a sense of purpose. And then we can discuss what the benefits are. And, and so the idea is to do it with prompting, which is, you know, I am grateful for, and it can be, you know, people, it can be objects, it can be places or experiences. And then you throw that y in there at the end. And you can do that while you're driving. I am grateful for you know, my mother, I'm grateful for my son or I'm grateful, whatever it is, and why or I'm grateful for being alive in America at a time when yada yada. You know, whatever it is that moves you, you can categorize it. Exactly. Yeah, you know, I'm grateful for the trip I took with my dad before he died, any of those things that are, you know, valuable memories that you have. And when you do that, what happens? Yeah, what happens when you're, when you're giving attention to your gratitude,

Vince Kern  
one of the things I found helpful is what you were just talking about, in a sense of, you know, identifying what you're grateful for can be an overwhelming task if you're really got a lot to be grateful for, right? So how do you sort it out. And then it's like, our business mind or whatever says, Well, I gotta prioritize this stuff. So I have to be really grateful for the big things. And the little things go down here and blah, blah, blah. But you showed me an example of where you I think you had broken it out into some categories where it was like, nature, family, you know, creativity. And underneath each one of those, I think you called it bullet journaling or some prompting, yeah, that's a Yeah, yeah. So So you know, the whole point is, is do what's comfortable for you. But challenge yourself to do it in a way and you said it intentional. And that was one of my big shortcomings. Until I realized that if you categorize it, you can always find then you can think about those things and then it becomes a creative process. Yeah.

Joe Luther  
And then suddenly your attention, it comes to things that you may have been taking for granted. And you're giving gratitude. And so when I I guess the question I'm asking that rhetorically events, I'm actually actually asking this question out loud is what happens when we live in gratitude? What happens when you live in gratitude mints, what is you know, what is your experience?

Vince Kern  
Oh, by experiences that I have much better experiences for one I mean, I when I am living in gratitude and truly sitting back and sort of watching life being connected to it, but also not reacting to it in the way that you know, I do it take myself out it has to do for me with being present being in the now being connected setting for people who want who they are at the moment they're there in and and not trying to change them and all that now, it isn't easy, and I'm not the best at it. But but it's the goal.

Joe Luther  
I think you nailed it. I think what you're what you touched on there is is this idea of living in the now. Yeah. Smelling the roses. Right knowing the roses is living in the now is not walking by roses. living in the now is noticing the roses as you're walking

Vince Kern  
by and you don't even have to stop. Yeah, as long as you smell them and notice them as long as your awareness is that there there?

Joe Luther  
Yeah, then you're that's the same as giving gratitude. And not only are you living in the now you're living more connected to your environment and to others Because too often what we're doing is we're taking things for granted that are near and dear to us. And that is, in a way, disconnecting us from the joy of, of either that relationship or that, or that feeling of presence in our environment. So that's the whole idea, when you when you use these tools of, of giving gratitude and they can be, again, like we said, they can be anything that can be written, it can be just something that you do mentally, or there are apps, there literally are apps that you can download that are their gratitude, journal type apps. I think one is called presently it depends on the platform you're on. One is called presently and the other one reflectively. Yeah, exactly reflect, reflect Lee and present, there's

Vince Kern  
a and there's probably hundreds of others, because, you know, it is a big area. And I think humans are evolving back to wanting to express gratitude. And I think more people may be journaling these days. I don't know, but my hunch is that, that there is an emphasis placed on the healthy benefits of, of doing that. Yeah.

Joe Luther  
And but the other thing is, I think, from my experience, having kept a gratitude journal is I've too often been very enthusiastic about doing it on Thanksgiving Day. And, and having the intention to do it every day, or, or every week, or whatever it is. And sometimes it just, you know, it gets away from me, I stopped doing it. Yeah, and this isn't, this isn't about that, like we're not, this isn't a failure thing. Like if you undertake to do regular journaling, or you're giving regular attention to your gratitudes. And you slip off, it's okay. Like you even if you do it once, like if you just do it after this podcast, and don't do it ever again. That is a ripple effect. That is good for the universe. Yeah. And so this isn't a chore. This isn't, you know, an opportunity for negative self talk because you didn't do it right, or you didn't do it enough, or you didn't do it regular and regularly enough. This is a tool to give you joy, and to in to kind of change your, you know, our modernistic way of walking through life without recognizing all the things that we have to be grateful for.

Vince Kern  
Yeah, I'll tell you one thing that worked for me, I mentioned a few things that didn't work for me. One thing that worked for me was a guy said, and you sort of did this intuitively, occasionally. But somebody drove it home. He said, and it's a very simple statement. He said, When you sleep, you're going into your subconscious mind, which is controlling itself, and you have no control over where it goes. Except if you spend your last 15 or 20 minutes before you go to bed with negative self talk and wallowing in what happened today or what didn't happen or being stressed out about a work situation that you have no control over, then your brain is going to take that as the direction of where you want to go in your subconscious sleep and you sleep if you're lucky for eight hours. So that's what your brain is going to be doing.

Joe Luther  
Absolutely. going on during the pandemic a lot. sure a lot of people with terrible news on their mind. And yeah,

Vince Kern  
and he said instead of doing that spend the last 15 or 20 minutes in gratitude, thinking about and we've just talked about all the different things and ways to do it. And now you're telling your brain, hey, this is where I want to go did so. So you know, helped me out here and it'll still work out all those crazy things on its own. But you might wind up dreaming about something pleasant and waking up more refreshed in the morning. I think you probably will. Yeah. And that's been something that's worked for me.

Joe Luther  
Well, no, that's interesting, because I think you brought up a good point because some people do their gratitudes in the morning when they wake up and it kind of sets them off in a happy mood. You mentioned you do that with Sheila in the morning or she brings that out in you, which is great. Some people do it right before they go to sleep. Some people do both. Some people do it in the middle of the

Vince Kern  
day. It's all done. Some people do it five or six times a day. One thing

Joe Luther  
I think it's also worth noting though is it's always easy to give gratitude when you're in a good mood or when you're in a good place. Sometimes the most difficult time for giving gratitude is when you're in a dark place when something bad has happened in your life or you've gotten some bad news or, or maybe even after, like we talked about with her grieving and gratitude. Maybe even after the loss of a loved one. It's very difficult to start counting Your gratitudes feeling really bad? It's hard to put that meat in the stew and yeah, but that's probably the best time. Yeah, you know, because there's always something to be grateful for, no matter how dark your situation is. And when you take time to start inventorying, all the things that you have to be grateful for. It brings you back. So,

Vince Kern  
yeah, that's an you know, I think this is a robust discussion of journaling. And, you know, for me, it rekindles the desire to find a good format, and, you know, add it back into my repertoire, because, frankly, I have not been doing the written gratitude journals in the last several months. And Thanksgiving is a great time because it's a holiday, you've got some more time to spend. So rekindle that journal, I'm motivated to do that. I'm going to I'm going to pick it back up and find a good format and use the Journal as a tool. And in the meantime, just grateful for being able to do this to share this with you listeners. And we're grateful for you